Telling Yourself The Truth​

#37--Steps to Peace

Here is more text of the conversation Debra and I had about the death of her children.  Debra has blamed herself over and over for their passing. I ask the Lord to show you if any of what Debra and I discussed can help you in your walk.

 

I see some lies that you, Debra, are still believing about yourself. 

IT WAS NOT BECAUSE YOU WERE A SORRY MOTHER THAT YOUR CHILDREN DIED! 

I don't care how many times the enemy has yelled that in your ear, it is not true.  It is a lie, sent by the devil, the accuser of your soul, to torment, to destroy, and to steal your joy and peace!

 

There has not been one perfect mother on this earth. 

Jochebed put her baby Moses in a basket and set him in the river.  In today's world that wouldn't have been thought the smartest move and she would have been brought up on legal charges for abuse. 

Mary delivered Jesus in a stable, in a manger.  Not the sweet serene scene we see on Christmas cards.  We know, we have cleaned enough poop, it stunk.  There were bugs and flies.  A manger isn't clean, for heavens sake, if nothing else, it would be full of animal slobbers.  How many of us cowgirls would have put our baby in our horse’s hay manger or gave them a bath in their grain bucket?  Mary also would have been brought up for abuse, too.

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Elizabeth raised John the Baptist and what did he do.  He became a recluse running around in the desert with a hide for clothes and ate grasshoppers.  The world would have said Elizabeth was an unfit mother. The experts in child rearing of this day would be looking down their noses at this woman and warning others not to do as she did.  If you don't know this,  Jesus said of John the Baptist, that no greater man had lived than he. 

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So much for looking at the blame that society dictates.  These were the circumstances of Bible heroes. 

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God never expected you to be perfect.  We all make mistakes.  Now, I know that you have repented and are so sorry for all of the things that you did wrong in these precious children's lives and if you could do it over, you would do things differently.   Quit letting what the world says is right or wrong put you under the pile.  I know you.  I know that you never deliberately did anything to hurt your children.

I feel I need to put this quote in for you.  It was from C.S. Lewis, one of the most brilliant minds of this last century.  I think this quote is to reassure you that you are not crazy or stupid. Another thing, if you think your life is for naught, C.S. Lewis probably thought the same thing.  I am only one person that was brought to a saving faith in Jesus by the words of C.S. Lewis; I will spend eternity in heaven because of the work that Jesus did in Mr. Lewis’ life.

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"Tonight all the hells of young grief have opened again, the mad words, the bitter resentment, the fluttering in the stomach, the nightmare unreality, the wallowed-in tears.  For in grief nothing "stays put."  One keeps on emerging from a phase, but it always recurs.  Round and round.  Everything repeats.  Am I going in circles, or dare I hope I am on a spiral? But if a spiral, am I going up or down it?"

I also think I should put this quote from the book in here.  Let me know what you think.

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"Stapleton argues, nevertheless, that only the Holy Spirit can really remove the scars.  Through prayer and discussion of past memories and attitudes, the counselor and counselee "are really asking Jesus to walk back into the dark places of our lives and bring healing to the distressing and painful memories of the past." 

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That is what we are doing, day by day, letting Jesus heal all the dark places in your black hole.  He is slowing but surely shining his light brighter and brighter and someday your dark hole will be gone.

Here is the last paragraph entitled “Conclusions about Grief”.  I just want you to think and pray about what is said.

"Grief is a universal experience.  Few escape it, some are trapped by it, and those who come through it find that they have been through a painful refining process.  Perhaps it is true that grief is a gift--not something to be grasped eagerly and used to satisfy our gleeful desires, but a permanent, reluctantly received growth experience from God.  To profit from its influence we must accept it honestly and move through it both with the help of our friends and the support of our Lord who uses the pain to mature us and make us holy and fit for the Master's use."

"One thing is certain when your dearest leaves you for heaven and you plod on alone--there can be no harder blows....It does no good to continually accuse and condemn ourselves.  Things might even have been worse if we had done some things we think would have been better.  Let us put the past, good and bad, and whatever might have been into God's hands and resume our pilgrimage."

This quote taken from Ira J. Tanner, The Gift of Grief, 1976

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With the love of God,  Judy